21 Emailing Tips That Will SkyRocket Your Response Rate: How To Message Women Online Like A Pro
By Joshua Pompey
By Joshua Pompey
Your email is your first attempt at communication on a dating site. If you want women to respond, you need to learn how to message women online properly.
In this article I will be discussing 21 fundamental rules for writing emails that lead to results!
Women online have been asked the same repetitive questions hundreds of times. If you want them to notice your email, you have to get creative and put a little effort into your message.
The most common message women receive on dating sites is some variation of “what’ up?” or “how is your week going?”
This type of conversation is painfully boring, leaves no room for the conversation to evolve into something more interesting, and communicates to a woman that you are a boring guy (even if that’s completely false!).
When you write your first email, don’t just focus on something she cares about. Focus on something you both care about.
She may be a passionate dancer, but this isn’t the greatest building block for establishing a connection if you can’t dance to save your life.
By tapping into commonalities that you share, you are going to generate more excitement, and are building the foundation for a potential relationship down the road.
The more unique the commonality that you share is, the more effective it will be. As a rule of thumb, think of your first email as being about “us,” not about “her.”
Attention spans are limited these days. Even one paragraph is too long for a first email.
As a rule of thumb, your email should take no longer than 15-30 seconds to read and should be 2-4 sentences max. For a highly effective emailing template, click here.
While you want to keep your emails short and easy to read, you also want to pack a whole lot of punch into the limited words that you choose.
There is an art to writing an email that is concise, while still leaving a big impact. This will take a bit of practice, but always try to get the most mileage out of your words.
Making a woman laugh in your opening email is the quickest way to separate yourself from the competition and provide value to her life.
By making her laugh, you are creating an enjoyable experience on her behalf, helping her to break away from the repetitive nature of online dating, and showing that you are a fun guy.
If she thinks you are a fun guy based on your emails, she will likely make the leap into thinking you will make a fun first date as well.
Being cocky funny means that you are being playfully arrogant with the jokes you make. The keyword here is playfully. If you come across as actually being arrogant as opposed to being playful and flirtatious, this will backfire.
An example of cocky humor on a date would be, “So what are you buying me for dinner… (wait for her to laugh or playfully respond)… wait, you didn’t know? Women take me out… I thought you knew that or I never would have agreed to this date… (laugh, smile, and communicate with body language that you are playing around).”
In an email we can use this same style of humor, again, just make sure it is clear that you are playing.
Finally, avoid any self-deprecating humor or overly sarcastic humor. Sarcasm doesn’t always translate well online and self-deprecating humor will lower your value. We want to appear confident at all times.
The tone of your email should be adjusted to the type of woman you are messaging. For example, suppose you saw the profile picture of a woman who is dressed a bit on the scandalous side. Your email should have a flirtatious tone to it and an extremely casual vibe. Always consider your audience before firing that first message.
Flirting by definition is communicating interest through your words or body language, usually in a playful manner. Men who are great with women are constantly flirting. This shows confidence, makes the interactions more fun, and often helps to strengthen the chase.
In addition to communicating interest, flirting communicates that you have the confidence and social intelligence to pursue a high a caliber woman.
Whether you use a question mark or an ellipsis, the last sentence of your opening email should be a call to action.
High quality women receive a lot of interest online. A call to action makes it infinitely easier for a woman to respond to your email, making it much more likely she will.
If you don’t end your email with a call to action, you are putting all the work on her shoulders to figure out how to continue the conversation. The more you make a woman work to engage with you, the less likely she will.
Writing an interesting question is not the same as asking a deep thinking question. Many men get this confused.
If your question requires a woman to think hard about what she would write back, even if it’s a great question, she will likely move on to the next message.
Asking too many questions will have multiple negative effects. For starters, it will feel like homework to the woman reading your email.
Just think about it from their perspective. Would you want to answer 3 or 4 questions in the middle of your busy day or after a long and exhausting day of work?
In addition, filling an email with multiple questions will come across as too eager and may unintentionally make you appear desperate. Stick to one question or call to action per email.
Emails should be visually appealing to the reader. Just look at how this article is written.
If I wrote long paragraphs for each emailing tip, the presentation would make reading this article feel too difficult.
By making this article easy on the eyes and presenting the information in a user friendly manner, it feels much easier to digest. Never write a long big paragraph for your opening email (or follow up emails).
These devices should be used to create the right tone when you are establishing a playful or flirtatious vibe. However, they need to be used sparingly.
Filling your email with multiple lol’s, emojis, or exclamation points will come across a bit too feminine for most women. Don’t overdue it.
The word’s you choose will reveal a whole lot about you. Suppose I wrote an email that said, “Would you like to go out sometime?” It’s not exactly confident. I’m putting all the power in a woman’s hands and I’m communicating that I’m not sure if she will want to.
Instead I could say, “You seem like you could be a fun date. I’m not sure if we’d get along in person, but let’s meet up sometime soon and figure it out. Shoot me a text when you free up xxx-xxx-xxxxx.”
Now I’m asking a woman out with extreme confidence, am taking charge of the situation, and using language that refers to us meeting as something that will inevitably happen, as opposed to questioning it. Finally, by saying that I’m not sure if we’d get along in person, I’m showing that I’m the one in control and creating a chase. She is the one who has to qualify herself to me.
Beta language involves using any words that communicate a lack of confidence or desperation. The words, “if,” “hope,” and “want” are some of the most common offenders.
Always write in a manner that shows you are are confident you will get the girl. This can easily be done without looking arrogant.
You shouldn’t be seeking a woman’s approval in a first date. Never say that you “hope to hear from her” or say “if you are interested, I’d love to chat.” In addition, don’t write anything that makes it seem like you are holding her up on a pedestal.
I hold my wife (whom I met online) up on a pedestal all the time (I’m am well aware she is a more giving, selfless, and attractive person than I am!), but if I held her up on a pedestal in the first email I sent her, I never would have gotten to the second email.
Beautiful woman are constantly being complimented on their beauty. Sure it’s nice for a woman to hear compliments from family, friends, and co-workers, but you aren’t any of these things yet. You are still a complete stranger.
Complimenting a woman’s appearance without knowing her will seem desperate, might make her wonder what your priorities are, and in some cases, will seem creepy. If a woman doesn’t know you yet, make her feel valued based on her internal qualities. Once you get to know her, then you can ease into some compliments based on looks.
Suppose I opened my first email with the following:
Oh my god, why are you so fat…
I mean fat…
Oh my god autocorrect!
FAR, why are you so far away!? Wow, autocorrect. I promise… I’m actually one of seven guys on here that isn’t verbally abusive to women… LOL
Something like this could start the conversation on a fun note filled with a whole lot of laughter. She will probably laugh about this later on with her friends as well, making the encounter extremely memorable.
Your grammar and spelling reveal more about you than you might think. If a woman reads an email containing poor grammar and spelling, at the minimum, she will think you are uneducated.
An even bigger concern is that she will subconsciously assume you are lazy. If you can’t even put effort into writing an email, why would she believe that you’d put effort into a relationship one day?
Earlier we talked about NOT qualifying ourselves. We also want to have women qualify themselves to us. Letting a woman qualify herself means that you are putting yourself in a position where she is the one chasing you. This is something that alphas naturally do.
Suppose a woman wrote in her profile that she loves EDM music and that she is a master at schooling people in skeeball at dive bars. I could write something along the lines of:
“I have to admit, you’re kind of off to a bad start with the whole EDM passion, but I feel like we at least need to settle whose the best skeeball player before we officially go our separate ways… I’ll tell you what, if you manage to beat me on our first date, I will listen to 3 songs of your choosing and let you make your case for EDM being great music… 😉 ”
In this email I am making her qualify herself through playful banter, am being flirtatious (another benefit), am creating a fun and playful tone in the email, and am tapping into something we both enjoy. These are all components of a winning email.
Writing an email that declares you are a really nice guy or trying to convince a woman why she should give you a chance will never work. Attraction is something that needs to be felt. It is not a choice nor something that you could convince a woman to feel.
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