21 Emailing Rules That Will Skyrocket Your Response Rate: How to Message Women Online Like A Pro

21 Emailing Tips That Will SkyRocket Your Response Rate:  How To Message Women Online Like A Pro

By Joshua Pompey

Beautiful young woman using a mobile phone


Your email is your first attempt at communication on a dating site.  If you want women to respond, you need to learn how to message women online properly.


In this article I will be discussing 21 fundamental rules for writing emails that lead to results!

1.   Never open with small talk


woman on the phone


Women online have been asked the same repetitive questions hundreds of times.  If you want them to notice your email, you have to get creative and put a little effort into your message.


The most common message women receive on dating sites is some variation of “what’ up?” or “how is your week going?”


This type of conversation is painfully boring, leaves no room for the conversation to evolve into something more interesting, and communicates to a woman that you are a boring guy (even if that’s completely false!).


 2.  Focus on building a connection


building a connection


When you write your first email, don’t just focus on something she cares about.  Focus on something you both care about.


She may be a passionate dancer, but this isn’t the greatest building block for establishing a connection if you can’t dance to save your life.


By tapping into commonalities that you share, you are going to generate more excitement, and are building the foundation for a potential relationship down the road.


The more unique the commonality that you share is, the more effective it will be.  As a rule of thumb, think of your first email as being about “us,” not about “her.”


3.  Your email should be quick and to the point


how to message women online


Attention spans are limited these days.  Even one paragraph is too long for a first email.


As a rule of thumb, your email should take no longer than 15-30 seconds to read and should be 2-4 sentences max.  For a highly effective emailing template, click here.


4.  Don’t sacrifice quality at the expense of length


high quality woman


While you want to keep your emails short and easy to read, you also want to pack a whole lot of punch into the limited words that you choose.


There is an art to writing an email that is concise, while still leaving a big impact.  This will take a bit of practice, but always try to get the most mileage out of your words.


5.  Humor is your best strength


women laughing at the phone


Making a woman laugh in your opening email is the quickest way to separate yourself from the competition and provide value to her life.


By making her laugh, you are creating an enjoyable experience on her behalf, helping her to break away from the repetitive nature of online dating, and showing that you are a fun guy.


If she thinks you are a fun guy based on your emails, she will likely make the leap into thinking you will make a fun first date as well.


6.  Cocky Humor Works Best


cocky funny guys


Being cocky funny means that you are being playfully arrogant with the jokes you make.  The keyword here is playfully.  If you come across as actually being arrogant as opposed to being playful and flirtatious, this will backfire.


An example of cocky humor on a date would be, “So what are you buying me for dinner… (wait for her to laugh or playfully respond)… wait, you didn’t know?  Women take me out… I thought you knew that or I never would have agreed to this date… (laugh, smile, and communicate with body language that you are playing around).”


In an email we can use this same style of humor, again, just make sure it is clear that you are playing.


Finally, avoid any self-deprecating humor or overly sarcastic humor.  Sarcasm doesn’t always translate well online and self-deprecating humor will lower your value.  We want to appear confident at all times.


7.  Adjust the tone of your email to your audience.


online dating profile writers


The tone of your email should be adjusted to the type of woman you are messaging.  For example, suppose you saw the profile picture of a woman who is dressed a bit on the scandalous side.   Your email should have a flirtatious tone to it and an extremely casual vibe.  Always consider your audience before firing that first message.


8.  Always take the opportunity to flirt


flirting with a woman


Flirting by definition is communicating interest through your words or body language, usually in a playful manner.  Men who are great with women are constantly flirting.  This shows confidence, makes the interactions more fun, and often helps to strengthen the chase.


In addition to communicating interest, flirting communicates that you have the confidence and social intelligence to pursue a high a caliber woman.


9.  Every email must end with a call to action


end each email with a question


Whether you use a question mark or an ellipsis, the last sentence of your opening email should be a call to action.


High quality women receive a lot of interest online.  A call to action makes it infinitely easier for a woman to respond to your email, making it much more likely she will.


If you don’t end your email with a call to action, you are putting all the work on her shoulders to figure out how to continue the conversation.  The more you make a woman work to engage with you, the less likely she will.


10.  Your email should not require deep thinking


no deep thinking


Writing an interesting question is not the same as asking a deep thinking question.  Many men get this confused.


If your question requires a woman to think hard about what she would write back, even if it’s a great question, she will likely move on to the next message.


11.  Never ask more than one question per email


asked too many questions


Asking too many questions will have multiple negative effects.  For starters, it will feel like homework to the woman reading your email.


Just think about it from their perspective.  Would you want to answer 3 or 4 questions in the middle of your busy day or after a long and exhausting day of work?


In addition, filling an email with multiple questions will come across as too eager and may unintentionally make you appear desperate.  Stick to one question or call to action per email.


12.  Presentation Matters


making a presentation


Emails should be visually appealing to the reader.  Just look at how this article is written.


If I wrote long paragraphs for each emailing tip, the presentation would make reading this article feel too difficult.


By making this article easy on the eyes and presenting the information in a user friendly manner, it feels much easier to digest.  Never write a long big paragraph for your opening email (or follow up emails).


13.  Emoji’s, exclamation points, and “lol’s” need to be used properly


thinking emjoi


These devices should be used to create the right tone when you are establishing a playful or flirtatious vibe.  However, they need to be used sparingly.


Filling your email with multiple lol’s, emojis, or exclamation points will come across a bit too feminine for most women.  Don’t overdue it.


14.  Use language that convey’s confidence


alpha male


The word’s you choose will reveal a whole lot about you.  Suppose I wrote an email that said, “Would you like to go out sometime?”  It’s not exactly confident.  I’m putting all the power in a woman’s hands and I’m communicating that I’m not sure if she will want to.


Instead I could say, “You seem like you could be a fun date.  I’m not sure if we’d get along in person, but let’s meet up sometime soon and figure it out.  Shoot me a text when you free up xxx-xxx-xxxxx.”


Now I’m asking a woman out with extreme confidence, am taking charge of the situation, and using language that refers to us meeting as something that will inevitably happen, as opposed to questioning it.  Finally, by saying that I’m not sure if we’d get along in person, I’m showing that I’m the one in control and creating a chase.  She is the one who has to qualify herself to me.


15.  Avoid beta language


beta versus alpha


Beta language involves using any words that communicate a lack of confidence or desperation.  The words, “if,” “hope,” and  “want” are some of the most common offenders.


Always write in a manner that shows you are are confident you will get the girl.  This can easily be done without looking arrogant.


16.  Do Not Try to Quality Yourself


don't qualify yourself


You shouldn’t be seeking a woman’s approval in a first date.  Never say that you “hope to hear from her” or say “if you are interested, I’d love to chat.”  In addition, don’t write anything that makes it seem like you are holding her up on a pedestal.


I hold my wife (whom I met online) up on a pedestal all the time (I’m am well aware she is a more giving, selfless, and attractive person than I am!), but if I held her up on a pedestal in the first email I sent her, I never would have gotten to the second email.


17.  Avoid complimenting a woman’s physical appearance


how to complement a women


Beautiful woman are constantly being complimented on their beauty.  Sure it’s nice for a woman to hear compliments from family, friends, and co-workers, but you aren’t any of these things yet.  You are still a complete stranger.


Complimenting a woman’s appearance without knowing her will seem desperate, might make her wonder what your priorities are, and in some cases, will seem creepy.   If a woman doesn’t know you yet, make her feel valued based on her internal qualities.  Once you get to know her, then you can ease into some compliments based on looks.


18.  Open with a “mistake.”


woman on the phone


Suppose I opened my first email with the following:


Oh my god, why are you so fat…


I mean fat…


Oh my god autocorrect!


FAR, why are you so far away!?  Wow, autocorrect.  I promise… I’m actually one of seven guys on here that isn’t verbally abusive to women…  LOL


Something like this could start the conversation on a fun note filled with a whole lot of laughter.  She will probably laugh about this later on with her friends as well, making the encounter extremely memorable.


19.  Check Your Work




Your grammar and spelling reveal more about you than you might think.  If a woman reads an email containing poor grammar and spelling, at the minimum, she will think you are uneducated.


An even bigger concern is that she will subconsciously assume you are lazy.  If you can’t even put effort into writing an email, why would she believe that you’d put effort into a relationship one day?


20.  Let her qualify herself


woman qualifying herself


Earlier we talked about NOT qualifying ourselves.  We also want to have women qualify themselves to us.  Letting a woman qualify herself means that you are putting yourself in a position where she is the one chasing you.  This is something that alphas naturally do.


Suppose a woman wrote in her profile that she loves EDM music and that she is a master at schooling people in skeeball at dive bars.  I could write something along the lines of:


“I have to admit, you’re kind of off to a bad start with the whole EDM passion, but I feel like we at least need to settle whose the best skeeball player before we officially go our separate ways…  I’ll tell you what, if you manage to beat me on our first date, I will listen to 3 songs of your choosing and let you make your case for EDM being great music… 😉 ”


In this email I am making her qualify herself through playful banter, am being flirtatious (another benefit), am creating a fun and playful tone in the email, and am tapping into something we both enjoy.  These are all components of a winning email.


21.  You can’t nice-guy your way into a response


woman not interested


Writing an email that declares you are a really nice guy or trying to convince a woman why she should give you a chance will never work.  Attraction is something that needs to be felt.  It is not a choice nor something that you could convince a woman to feel.


Looking for more free advice?  Learning how to message women online is only part of the battle


You can also follow me on twitterfacebook, or youtube for exclusive free content and advice.  You can also click here for plenty of free articles and online dating advice.


And don’t forget, even the best online dating emails need to be paired with a great profile.   Consider hiring a pro!  We are the best in the business for over a decade.


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