successful online dater

My First Step Towards Becoming The World’s Most Successful Online Dater (and how you can learn from my mistake!)


By Joshua Pompey

When I first tried to meet women on dating sites over a decade ago, online dating crippled my self esteem.


No matter what I tried, not a single woman would respond to my emails.  Online dating made me feel ugly, insecure, and absolutely shattered my self esteem.


Joshua Pompey proposing to wife


But look at me now… I married the woman of my dreams (depicted above – yes that’s me accidentally proposing to myself!) and I have literally been referred to on television as the best online dater in the world.


I know referencing that I’ve been called  “the best online dater in the world” sounds completely lame, but I have to prove my worth to you somehow right?  There are a whole lot of pretenders out there giving misguided online dating advice!


So how did I go from arguably the world’s worst online dater to the world’s most successful online dater?


I eventually came to the realization that I just didn’t understand how to attract women online.  


Even worse, I was continuously doing the exact opposite of what I should have been doing.  I was always trying to nice guy my way into the dating life of a woman.  Instead of making women feel attracted to me, I was trying to convince them that they should be attracted to me.


I’d literally tell women that if they would just give me a chance, they’d see that I was worth going out with.  Talk about pathetic!  If you’ve done this, believe me I get it.  I’ve been there.


When that didn’t work, I tried things that were completely inauthentic to who I was as a person.  I tried being the bad boy, the mysterious guy, the arrogant guy, the counterculture guy… You name it, I tried it.  Nothing worked.


I had to go back to the drawing board.  If I was going to be successful on dating sites, I needed to take an intellectual approach to online dating, understand what women responded to, and work from there.


Fast forward a few months and everything slowly fell into place.  While I could write an entire dissertation on what I’ve learned, let’s get a little bit into the basics.


Attraction is Not A Choice


Emily walking down the street


One of the most important lessons I could ever teach you is that attraction is not a choice. Women don’t consciously decide to feel an attraction towards you. It just happens instantly.


To put things in perspective; think about the last time you saw a beautiful, curvy woman walking down the street (perhaps you were lucky enough to see Emily Ratajkowski depicted above!). Odds are you turned and did a double take when she walked by.


You didn’t stop and think to yourself, “Hmmm… am I attracted to this woman?” It just happened instantly. This reaction to a beautiful woman is no more controllable than hunger or pain. It’s purely instinctual.


Luckily for all us men out there, attraction is not a choice for women either. But it gets better. While men are mainly wired to respond to a woman’s visual appearance, women are wired to respond much more to a man’s internal qualities and personality traits.


When a woman see’s a man with certain qualities, such as ambition, social value, alpha male characteristics, or social intelligence, just to name a few, she will instantly feel attracted to that man, the same way we instantly feel attracted to a beautiful woman walking down the street. She won’t stop to think about why, nor will she care. It is a chemical reaction that can’t be controlled.


Over the years I’ve discovered that there are many fundamental qualities that nearly all women naturally respond to, all having absolutely nothing to do with the looks a man is born with.  And within these fundamental qualities, there are countless ways to demonstrate them online.


All we have to do is subtly infuse these attraction triggers into every statement we write and every picture we post online. If we do this properly, when women view our profiles and emails they will feel an instant attraction that is beyond their control, regardless of the looks we were born with. It’s not magic. It’s the science of understanding how attraction works.


Believe me when I say that I’ve helped countless men who were born with below average looks to land more dates in one month than they’ve had in the past ten years.


The Science of Attraction


woman on bed


So why exactly are men more visual than women when it comes to attraction?  This can be directly attributed to evolutionary instincts that are hardwired into our D.N.A.


Throughout the evolution of mankind, the man’s role has always been to hunt and ensure the survival of the human race through pro-creation. Women with wide hips, curvy bodies, and healthy looking faces were the most likely to produce a healthy baby, so over time, men naturally developed instincts to feel attracted to these types of women the most.


To this day, nothing has changed. The world may look much different, but the fundamental purpose of a man remains – to successfully produce offspring. And so, men are still hard-wired to seek out women who are curvy and conventionally beautiful. When we see women who meet these descriptions, we instantly feel attracted to them without even thinking about it.


For women, survival was much different. It was not dependent on a man’s beauty. It was dependent on partnering with men who could ensure the best chance of survival.  For this reason, women are wired to gravitate much more towards a man’s internal qualities and personality traits.


Now this doesn’t mean your looks don’t matter at all.  If you look like a slob and don’t take care of yourself, it creates the impression that you are lazy, have little social intelligence, and lack drive (all attraction killers).  But once you put together the right haircut (or clean up properly if you are balding) and put together the right style, you will be able to build attraction online with just about any woman you want.


So how do we build attraction properly with women online? 


Let’s start with learning 5 fundamental methods for building attraction, all backed by science.  Click here to read more.


You can also follow me on twitter, facebook, or youtube for exclusive free content and advice.




online dating profile writers


My professional profile writers can do all the heavy lifting for you by creating you the perfect online dating profile and helping you to get your photos perfect.  Upgrade to a coaching package and you will also receive 9 ebooks and coaching from yours truly.


Click here to learn more about our profile writing service where we’ve assisted over 20,000 satisfied customers.


To learn about coaching packages, click here now.


You can also call us anytime at 888-511-0645 and we’d be happy to chat with you.

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