15 Reasons Women Aren’t Responding On Dating Sites: The Critical Mistakes You Need to Avoid
By Joshua Pompey
By Joshua Pompey
If women aren’t responding to you on dating sites, don’t panic. I’ve been helping men to turn to their online dating lives around for over a decade.
In most cases, it’s simply a matter of making a few adjustments and correcting the mistakes (often unintentional) that are destroying your chances with women online.
In this article I am going to review 15 of the most common mistakes that I typically see. If you fall into one or more of the categories below, start making some immediate adjustments.
It’s true that women want to meet a nice guy. But they need to get to know you first before you become the sweetest guy on match.com.
If you create the persona of a man who will bend over backwards to treat a woman like a princess, you will appear to be a pushover and will come across as desperate. Women like a little bit of a chase.
This does not mean you have to become an inauthentic jerk, attempting to create the persona of a bad boy. Just try to find the line between nice and too nice. Appearing to be a nice guy is a good thing. Being aggressively in your face nice is not.
Okay so YOU aren’t actually boring. But your profile, emails, and photos might be. Always remember that there is endless competition on dating sites. If you don’t work your hardest to be interesting, women won’t respond to you. It’s that simple.
The good news is, the majority of men on dating sites bore women to tears. Once you step up your effort and become more interesting, your competition will become your best asset and help you to stand out even more.
Alpha males write profiles and emails that ooze confidence with every word. They create the feel of a man who is interesting and worth getting to know.
If you are using beta language, you are unintentionally sending signals that you are desperate, lonely, a pushover, or seeking the approval of a woman. The most common offenders are phrases that include the words “hope,” “if,” “want,” and “need.”
For example, there is a big difference between stating, “I want a woman who is smart, intelligent, and fun…” and “The perfect woman for me would be smart, intelligent, and fun.” The first puts you in the chasing position and comes across as needy, whereas the latter puts you in the driver’s seat as a confident man.
You may not care much about the written portion of your profile, but women do. Over the years I’ve worked on the accounts of thousands of women, and a vast majority have told me that they won’t even message a man who has a short profile or a profile that lacks substance.
This indicates that you aren’t taking the process seriously, might be lazy, or just aren’t that interesting. True or not, these are the judgements that will be made. As tedious as creating a great profile can be, always remember, this is a tremendous opportunity to market yourself, build attraction, and separate yourself from the competition. If you prefer professional help, you could always hire one of our pros here.
The best online dating photo galleries paint a visual story of what it would be like to date you. You should be revealing as many attractive qualities as you possibly can and paint a clear picture of what living your best life looks like.
If you tell the visual story of a man who has no interests, family, friends, or sense of adventure, you will have a much harder time attracting women. Each picture is an opportunity to build attraction, so tell the right stories.
You only get one shot at a first impression online. With so much competition, it has to be perfect. If a woman doesn’t feel some type of emotional high or spark within seconds of viewing you, she will move on to the next profile.
This starts with the email and extends to the profile and photos. All must sync together in perfect harmony in order to generate an optimal first impression.
Do you like going hiking and traveling? Do you enjoy being outdoors, but also enjoy staying in to watch a movie? That’s great. The only problem is, every other man online does too. Or at least they all pretend to like hiking. But I digress…
Don’t spit out information as if you ran your interests through some random generator of things men are supposed to say online. If you talk about travel, get creative with how you broach the subject or throw in an a small anecdote to emphasize the point. Show some creativity, let your unique voice shine through, and don’t be afraid to be a little different.
When I first started online dating I tried being the bad boy, the ladies man, the too cool for school guy, etc. It was lame and women sniffed it right out. Online dating is about highlighting YOUR best self in ways that will attract women. Don’t try to dress like someone you aren’t or be someone you’re not.
If I told you to copy everything I did to attract women right down to the smallest detail, it would be the wrong approach. The methods behind my success work, but copying my every move I make wouldn’t because it wouldn’t be authentic.
Just remember, being authentic doesn’t mean to embrace the slob within you or to write off all your flaws as your authentic self. It’s about highlighting the BEST version of yourself. Figure out what your strongest assets are and work from there.
Your emails should make a woman excited, not feel like an obligation. Emails that are too long, ask too many questions, or require deep thinking are only going to create a burden in a woman’s life. Be economical with your words and try to pack as much punch as you can into each sentence you write. For 21 tips on how to message women online, click here
The content of how you sell yourself might be incredible, but it’s all about the presentation. Your profile and emails need to have the proper structure and should be visually appealing to the eyes. Writing long paragraphs with a poorly organized structure will hinder women from reading what you write.
Your pictures should be filled with energy, friends, family, activities, etc. Sure, it’s okay to have a few photos alone. It’s even okay if all your photos are alone (although I wouldn’t recommend this) as long as you have vibrant backgrounds.
However, if your pictures are alone, you don’t want to take them with barren backgrounds or in scenarios that have an isolated feel to them. A picture is worth a thousand words and isolated looking photos will create the impression that you are a loner.
Often times this isn’t intentional. The most common offenders involve listing qualities that you don’t want in a partner, stating that you aren’t sure if online dating is for you, or discussing previous mistakes you’ve made in choosing a partner.
Focus on the positive. Get excited about online dating. Instead of stating qualities you don’t want, state the qualities you do want. Always remember, positive energy attracts positive attention.
Enthusiasm is contagious. If you are excited about life, the people in your orbit will be excited to share that life with you. Passive online daters that have a nonchalant attitude about online dating will be passed over in favor of a more enthusiastic and optimistic men.
Poor grammar and spelling communicates to women that you are either lazy or lack intelligence. While this may not be true, it’s enough to send women clicking to the next email. Slacking on the little things isn’t only about grammar. It communicates that you may be a slacker in all aspects of your life, including relationships.
Don’t say you’re funny. Show your are funny with a funny opening email and a hilarious profile. Don’t say you are confident, write with extreme confidence.
Every man alive knows how to throw a bunch of adjectives that sound great into a profile. This means nothing to a woman and comes across as boring. She has no reason to believe it’s true.
Showing that you have these qualities (instead of telling) will give her no choice but to see you are the great guy you claim to be. If I’m actually funny and make a woman laugh, a woman isn’t going to wonder if I’m really funny!
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