Q & A with Joshua Pompey: I Reached Out to Several Women on a Dating App and Didn’t Hear Back

Q & A with Joshua Pompey: Questions from Actual Clients

Client: I reached out to several women on a dating app and didn’t hear back. Am I doing something wrong?

Joshua: Not necessarily. One thing you have to understand about dating apps is that there is tremendous variance. The truth is, even the highest quality men only response rates in the 30 to 40% range if they are doing everything perfect. It’s simply the nature of dating apps, and most of the time (not always) it isn’t a reflection of you.

Sometimes a lack of a response comes down to factors that are completely out of your control. Of course, there will be situations where someone just isn’t interested, but it can just as easily be timing, a busy schedule, the fact that she is already talking to someone else and seeing where that goes, or simply not checking the app on a consistent basis. You’re often dealing with incomplete information, so it’s important not to jump to negative conclusions too quickly.

Another important point is that results on dating apps should never be judged based on just one or two interactions. If you only reached out to several people, that’s still a relatively small sample size to accurately evaluate what’s working and what isn’t. This is where many people go wrong. They assume there’s an issue with their approach when, in reality, they just haven’t given it enough volume. In order to have accurate data you need to send at least 100 messages out.

The key is to stay consistent and keep your outreach strong. Focus on sending quality messages, maintaining a positive tone, and continuing to engage new matches. Over time, patterns will start to emerge, and you’ll have a much clearer picture of your overall performance.

As a general rule of thumb, I recommend stepping back and analyzing your results only after you’ve sent at least 20–30 messages. That gives you enough data to make informed adjustments, rather than reacting emotionally to a small number of outcomes.

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