Should I Lie About My Age on Dating Apps?
Should I Lie About My Age on Dating Apps? Pros, Cons & Consequences
Online dating can be brutal when it comes to agism. It’s hard enough to put yourself out there on a dating app. It’s even harder to return to the dating scene, only to find yourself being filtered out based on superficial qualities. So it’s no surprise that one of the most common questions I get as a dating coach is: “Should I lie about my age on dating apps?”
Ageism is very real in the online dating world. Whether you’re in your thirties, forties, or even seventies (yes, I’ve successfully worked with many 70 year olds!), there’s a good chance you’ve wondered if shaving a couple of years off might give you a competitive edge. But is it worth it? Let’s dive into the pros, cons, and consequences of lying about your age online—plus my expert verdict on how you should proceed.
The Reality of Ageism Online
Many daters set strict age filters on dating apps to their own detriment, cutting themselves off from potentially amazing matches.
Filters Create an Unfair Barrier
For example, many men in their fifties will either consciously or unconsciously set their filters ages 40–49, with the mindset of wanting to date a woman in her 40’s as opposed to 50’s. You could be a vibrant, youthful 51-year-old who he would be thrilled to meet in real life, but because of that filter, he’ll never know you exist. That’s not a reflection of you—it’s simply a case of a man choosing filters without truly thinking things out.
Women will often do the same thing. A woman in her late forties might be okay with a man in her 50’s, but her cutoff on the filters is 55. The reality is, there are many men who are 56, 57, or 58 who are significantly more youthful looking and energetic than their younger counterparts.
Does This Mean I Should Lie About My Age?
It’s natural to wonder if adjusting your age slightly will increase visibility, especially when so many people are quietly shaving a couple of years off their profiles. It’s a competitive, sometimes frustrating environment.
The Double-Edged Sword
Whether you lie or not, there are pros and cons.
Pros of Lying About Your Age:
- Bypassing Filters – Helps you appear in searches where you might otherwise be excluded.
- Leveling the Playing Field – Many people adjust their age, so it can prevent you from being at a disadvantage.
- Increasing Matches – Even a subtle tweak can improve visibility and help you connect with more potential matches.
Cons of Lying About Your Age
- If you do lie: You have a small risk of damaging trust once you meet your date in person.
- Awkward First Impressions – If your appearance doesn’t align with your listed age, it can create uncomfortable first dates.
- Long-Term Consequences – Age is an important part of identity. When the truth comes out, it can overshadow your connection.
The approach you take truly comes down to being a personal choice. But if you do lie about your age, you need to lean into the following guidelines.
Does online dating really work for seniors? Absolutely – learn why here
How to Lie About Your Age
If you decide to adjust your age, follow these rules to stay within reason and maintain trust.
Keep it Reasonable
No more than 3–4 years younger than your actual age. 53 to 49 can potentially work, whereas 57 to 49 is crossing a line. Anything that can create awkward “double take” moments when meeting in person means you have gone too far.
Match Your Appearance
Make sure you look almost identical to the age listed. If your appearance doesn’t match, you’ve adjusted your age too much. While some people can pull off a 4-year swing, other people look significantly different from photos that are 4 years old. You need to be cognizant of this.
Be Honest When You Meet
Even a small adjustment should eventually be disclosed once the relationship progresses, preferably, on the first date. Long-term deception can backfire.
Learn how to handle getting ghost on dating apps here
Final Verdict: Should I Lie About My Age?
It’s okay to lie about your age in certain circumstances, but it is a personal choice that will vary from person to person. It also becomes something that makes more sense to lie about, the older you get and the more ageism comes into play.
The overwhelming majority of people won’t mind if you show up, look the same, and are a great date. To your surprise, many will confess they’ve done the exact same thing.
The key is to be subtle, keep it reasonable, and always be honest once the relationship starts to progress. In the end, what matters most is the connection you build—not the number on your profile.
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