How to Start Online Dating for the 1st Time: Beginner’s Guide (From A Pro!)
A Beginner’s Guide to Online Dating From The World’s Best Expert
By Joshua Pompey
In this starter guide to online dating you will learn:
- The best dating apps for beginners
- How to choose the right photos
- What to put in your dating profile
- How to start conversations
- The biggest mistakes new online daters make
- How to avoid months of trial and error
If you’ve never tried online dating before, getting started can feel intimidating.
You may find yourself wondering:
- Which dating apps/online dating site should I use?
- What photos should I upload?
- What should I write in my profile?
- How do I start conversations?
- What if nobody responds?
After helping thousands of people to succeed with online dating over the past 2 decades, I’ve noticed something interesting:
The people who struggle the most in the beginning aren’t the people who are the least attractive, least interesting, or least experienced with dating.
The people that have the least success are the ones who have no idea how to start at an optimal level.
If that’s you, you’re in the right place.
Whether you’re creating your very first dating profile, just out of a relationship, or attempting online dating post-divorce, the process can feel overwhelming at first.
The good news? Once you understand how to get started the right way, the entire process becomes much easier to navigate.
This guide will walk you through the exact steps I recommend for anyone beginning their online dating journey, helping you avoid the mistakes that cause many beginners to waste months of time and frustration.
Step 1: Choose the Right Online Dating App
One of the biggest mistakes beginners make is signing up for multiple dating apps without understanding who they’re designed for.
While there are countless dating apps available, most of you will be best served by starting with one of the following four platforms:
Hinge
For many beginners, Hinge is the best place to start.
It offers a solid balance between serious relationships and casual dating, has one of the largest active user bases for most ages, and makes it easier to start conversations by allowing users to comment directly on photos and prompts.
Best For: Relationships and casual dating
Bumble
Bumble gives women more control by allowing them to initiate conversations after matching.
Many users find the environment slightly more relationship-oriented and less chaotic than some competing apps.
Best For: Relationships, casual dating, and women who want to be in control of their inbox
Want a full breakdown of Bumble Vs Hinge? Check out our analysis here
Match.com
If you’re over 40 and looking for a serious relationship, Match.com continues to be one of the strongest platforms available.
Match’s age demographics tend to skew older, is more relationship-focused site, and overall has users that are more intentional about dating.
Best For: Serious relationships, especially over 40 (click here for our full report on whether or not Match.com is worth the investment)
Tinder
If you’re primarily interested in casual dating or simply want access to one of the largest dating pools available, Tinder remains a strong option.
Just keep in mind that Tinder tends to be more appearance-driven and often attracts users looking for less serious connections.
Best For: Casual dating
Step 2: Choose the Best Photos for Your Dating Profile
As you being the process of online dating you will quickly come to the realization that your photos will have a greater impact on your success than anything else.
Unfortunately, most beginners make the mistake of uploading whatever pictures happen to be sitting on their phones.
This often leads to profiles filled with:
- Bad lightening
- Old photos
- Low-quality selfies
- Poor angles
- Images that do not reflect your best self
Before we discuss specific photo types, here’s something many beginners don’t realize:
You don’t have to use whatever photos happen to be sitting in your camera roll.
In fact, most successful online daters take and create new photos specifically for their dating profiles.
If your current photos aren’t great, ask a friend to spend an hour taking pictures of you in different locations, outfits, and settings. You can also hire a pro photographer if it’s within your budget.
A small investment of time can dramatically improve your results because photos are often the first thing people notice when deciding whether to view your profile.
If you’d like more detailed guidance, I’ve also created resources covering:
The Best Main Photo for Dating Apps
The Best Online Dating Photos for Men
The Top 6 Photos For Women – Ranked
How Many Photos Should You Post
As a general rule, I recommend aiming for six strong photos.
That gives people enough information to get a sense of who you are without overwhelming them.
There’s many ways to structure an effective photo gallery. Below is a starters guide to how you can approach it.
The Best Self Photo
This should be your first photo and depict you looking your absolute best self.
This is the photo that needs to grab the attention of your audience immediately.
A Full-Body Photo
Confidence and transparency matter.
Including a full-body image helps build trust and gives a better sense of what you look like, along with your sense of style/fashion.
A Lifestyle Photo
Show yourself doing something you genuinely enjoy.
Some examples include:
- Traveling
- Hiking
- Cooking
- Playing sports
- Attending an event
- Playing an instrument
A Social Photo
One photo with friends can demonstrate that you’re social, active, and that others enjoy being around you.
Just make sure people can easily identify which person you are.
Additional Lifestyle Photos
Your remaining photos can showcase other aspects of your personality, interests, hobbies, travel experiences, or social life.
If you’re struggling with photos, don’t worry. One of the most common misconceptions I encounter is people believing they have no good photos. More often than not, they simply haven’t taken the right ones yet.
Need a little help putting together the right photos? Our pros can help! Just click below to learn more.
Step 3: How to Write a Dating Profile That Gets Matches
When I review dating profiles, I usually see one of two extremes: profiles that say almost nothing and profiles that try to say everything.
Neither approach works particularly well.
Here are examples of lazy writings that I often see:
- “I like to have fun.”
- “Just ask.”
- “I’m bad at writing these things.”
None of these statements tell someone who you are.
Instead, focus on specifics and do so in an engaging way.
For example:
That sentence instantly creates a clearer picture.
But creating a great dating profile goes beyond simply listing your hobbies and interests.
The best profiles create emotion.
They make someone smile.
They showcase personality.
They give people an easy way to start a conversation (ladies, here’s 3 ways to start a conversation without looking desperate!).
And perhaps most importantly, they help you stand out from the hundreds of generic profiles people see every week.
One of the biggest mistakes beginners make is sounding exactly like everyone else.
Generic statements, overused clichés, boring lists of interests, and unintentional red flags can quietly hurt your results without you realizing it.
The goal isn’t to tell people everything about yourself.
The goal is to give them enough information to become curious and want to learn more.
If you’d like a deeper breakdown, I’ve also written guides covering:
7 Methods Our Profile Writers Use To Create The Best Profiles
The Best Hinge Prompts – We Tested Them All
The Best Hinge Polls for Increasing Matches
If you’d rather skip the learning curve altogether, my team has professionally written more than 20,000 dating profiles since 2009. Our profile writing service is designed to help clients showcase their personality, generate more conversations, and attract higher-quality matches from day one.
Women’s Profile Writing Service
Step 4: How to Start Conversations on Dating Apps
One pattern I see repeatedly among beginners is that they become far too passive once their profile goes live.
They assume matches will simply appear and conversations will start themselves.
The people who tend to have the most success are usually more proactive.
When reaching out to someone, your goal isn’t to come up with the perfect opening line.
Instead, focus on three simple principles:
- Open with with humor or something playful whenever possible.
- Create curiosity, interest, or emotion.
- End with an easy question that gives the other person a natural way to respond.
Most people spend too much time worrying about finding the perfect message when they should just be focused on starting a fun and engaging conversation.
The overall goal is to write a message that relieves your target audience from the over monotony of online dating that many people face after a while.
Step 5: What to Expect When You First Start Online Dating
This is the point where many beginners become discouraged.
They create a profile, send a few likes, and expect immediate results.
When that doesn’t happen, they start wondering if online dating works at all.
The reality is that almost everyone experiences a learning curve in the beginning.
You may:
- Get fewer likes than expected
- Match with people who never respond
- Send messages that go unanswered
- Feel unsure whether your profile is helping or hurting your results
That’s normal. But don’t let this hurt your confidence with dating apps.
Online dating is a skill.
Just as nobody becomes great at public speaking, sales, or interviewing after their first attempt, nobody masters dating apps overnight.
The people who ultimately succeed aren’t always the most attractive or outgoing.
They’re often the people who stay consistent, learn from their mistakes, and continue improving over time.
The good news is that once you understand the fundamentals, progress tends to happen much faster.
Common Online Dating Mistakes Beginners Make
After working with thousands of online dating clients, I’ve noticed that beginners often make the same handful of mistakes.
The good news is that most of them are completely avoidable.
Trying To Be Perfect
Many people spend weeks tweaking their profile before they ever start using it. Perfection isn’t the goal. Getting started is. You can always improve your profile as you gain experience.
Signing Up For Too Many Apps At Once
Managing multiple profiles can quickly become overwhelming. Start with one app, learn how it works, and expand later if necessary.
Choosing The Wrong Dating App For Your Age Or Relationship Goals
One of the most common mistakes I see is people joining a dating app simply because it’s the most popular one. Different platforms attract different age groups, relationship goals, and user demographics.
Taking Rejection Personally
One of the biggest mindset shifts in online dating is understanding that not every match, conversation, or date is supposed to work out. Rejection is part of the process for everyone.
Giving Up Too Quickly
This is probably the biggest mistake of all. Many people quit before they’ve given themselves enough time to learn the fundamentals, improve their profile, and gain momentum.
The people who succeed with online dating are often not the most attractive or naturally gifted. They’re simply the people who stay consistent long enough to figure out what works.
Your Online Dating Starter Checklist
- Choose the dating app that best fits your age and relationship goals
- Upload six strong photos that accurately represent you
- Write a profile that showcases your personality and creates conversation opportunities
- Begin sending likes and messages instead of waiting for others to make the first move
- Give yourself time to learn and improve before judging your results
If you’ve completed these five steps, you’re already ahead of many people who jump into online dating without a plan.
Need Help Getting Started With Online Dating?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned after helping online daters since 2009, it’s that most people don’t struggle because they’re unattractive, boring, or incapable of finding someone great.
They struggle because online dating has a learning curve.
Choosing the right photos, writing a profile that stands out, creating conversation starters, avoiding common mistakes, and understanding how dating apps work all take time to learn.
Some people enjoy figuring it out on their own.
Others would rather start from the strongest possible position from day one.
That’s exactly why I created my professional profile writing and coaching services.
Since 2009, my team and I have written more than 20,000 dating profiles, helping thousands of men and women achieve success with online dating. Our success rate exceeds 99%.
Whether you’re completely new to online dating or returning after years away, we’ll help you avoid the mistakes that cause many beginners to waste months of time and frustration.