The 3-Legged Stool of Online Dating Success
The 3-Legged Stool of Online Dating Success
By Joshua Pompey
Last time, we talked about the “Non-Existent Man”—the guy who sends out message after message on dating apps, only to hear absolutely nothing back. If women aren’t responding to you on dating apps sounded familiar and dating apps feel like a waste of time, don’t worry. You’re not broken. You just need to put the right online dating process into place.
Because when it comes to dating apps, success isn’t random. It’s all a matter of engineering things perfectly.
Think of online dating as a 3-legged stool.
If one leg is weak on a 3-legged stool, everything collapses right?
Here’s how it breaks down:
1. Your Photos: This is the first “leg” of the stool—and the first impression you’ll ever make. If your photos don’t optimize for attraction, you will never receive a message or response. Click here for the 21 best online dating photos you should be using
2. Your Profile Writing: The second leg is your written presence—your bio, prompts, and captions. This is where you demonstrate value, spark curiosity, and make women want to know more. Bland, generic lines like “I love to travel and laugh” won’t cut it.
3. Your Messages: The third leg is what turns attraction into connection. If your opening line sounds like every other guy’s—“Hey,” “What’s up,” or “You’re cute”—you’ve already lost her attention. Your messages should build intrigue, tease playfully, and move the conversation forward effortlessly.
When all three legs are strong, your profile becomes magnetic. Women stop scrolling and start noticing you. But when even one leg wobbles—an awkward photo, a dull prompt, or a weak opener—the entire structure falls apart.
Here’s where most men go wrong: they focus on one leg and neglect the others. They might invest in professional photos or hiring a photographer, but still write boring bios. Or they craft witty profiles but use flat, forgettable messages.
You need all three working together—perfectly balanced and intentionally designed.
Now for the best part:
Most men on dating apps have terrible “stools” (figuratively speaking, of course). They’re giving you a massive advantage—if you know how to build yours properly.
When you optimize all three legs, the competition actually helps you shine. Because while they’re busy turning women off with mediocre profiles, you’ll stand out as the confident, high-value man who “gets it.”
Your Challenge This Week: Take five minutes to audit your dating app setup. Which of your three legs is the weakest—photos, profile, or messages? Write it down. That’s where we’ll start strengthening first.
In the next article, I’ll teach you how to spark instant attraction, even if you weren’t born with model-level looks—by mastering a system I call A.I.M.E.
Looking for some professional help with your profile? Our pros can help!
Joshua Pompey’s profile writing service has been helping men to attract women on dating apps since 2009. From crafting the perfect bio to choosing your best photos, we know exactly how to optimize your success. Click here to learn more
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