Is Pen Pal Syndrome Putting Your Dating Life On Life Support?

Is Pen Pal Syndrome Putting Your Dating Life On Life Support?

By Joshua Pompey

Alright men.  Listen up.  I work with female online daters every day of my life and I am here with some important news from the inside.   Women have been telling me over and over for years how they wish all you men out there were more aggressive online.

Now before you go un-zipping your pants and praising the online dating gods above, they don’t mean that in a sexual way.  Sorry if I tricked you.  Put your pants back on. Back with me?  Come on man.  Seriously.   Put them back on!   Back for real this time?  Okay, cool…

But in all seriousness, one of the most common complaints that female online daters express to me is that they wish men online would ask them for their phone numbers quicker without emailing them for what feels like an eternity.

A lot of men out there have a tendency to email over… and over… and over… and…  well… you get the idea.   Back to my point… These women wish you would ask them out quicker.  Less work for you.  Less frustration for them.  It’s a win-win right?

But here’s the thing.  You don’t want to ask for a phone number too quickly.  A woman won’t give out her number to a stranger until she feels comfortable with you first.

If you push for a number too soon, in the words of Vince Vaughn’s skinny Swingers days, “you may accidentally scare a beautiful baby off who was ready to party.”  God I miss skinny Vince Vaughn.

On the other hand, you also don’t want to wait too long to push for the number.  This can be extremely frustrating for a woman, and even worse, may cause her to flake.

So how do you know when the time is right?  You just have to pay attention to the signs.  Long emails, exclamations, personal questions, and flirtatious comments are all online indicators of interest that she wants you to ask her out.  The higher the combination, the higher the interest.

In some cases, a woman might just be bad at showing interest.  There are a lot of women out there who fall into this category.  But even if she is demonstrating very little interest, if she as been talking to you for a few days, it means she’s into you, so push for the number.

As a rule of thumb, 4 to 6 email exchanges is usually the sweet spot for asking for a number.  But in today’s attention deficit world, I’d lean more towards 4.

Looking for some emailing advice to boost your inbox?

Learn how to email like a pro the way I’ve taught men all over the world to do with tremendous success by following the rules of the online dating opener in this free article

Or read plenty of free online dating advice on all topics here

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